All The Way Quiet

An update on my 4 1/2 days of silence. . .

You would think that my daughters would've been thrilled by the prospect of a mother who couldn't fuss at them. You would be wrong. They initially felt frustrated by the brief notes I wrote in response to their questions. Fierce Teenager quickly got over it, but Wonder Girl, who's 9 years old, worried that she'd forget what my voice sounded like. I thought I would have more time for introspection and creative pursuits, but initially I found myself exerting way too much energy in trying to communicate with my children.

Lovely Boyfriend, who supports all my wacky ideas, didn't disappoint. When I wanted to quit, he encouraged me to keep going. Admittedly, he enjoyed the fact that he could share his thoughts and ideas with me, and I would simply sit and smile at him in silence. Bless his heart! Many women complain about partners who don't communicate. He's a writer, and not surprisingly, very verbal, but in a house full of women he doesn't always feel heard.

Some things I learned about myself and my family:

• My children are too dependent on me to tell them to do things. (my fault)
• I don't listen to anyone nearly enough.
• Just eliminating phone conversations for a while can free up a lot of mental energy.
• After years of trying, I haven't mastered my temper or my impatience. (a work in progress)
• I need times of silence on a consistent basis.

I will have more days of silence in my future. In addition, I'm going to try to add a block of silent time to each day. I think the whole family can benefit from this. One of my mentors once told me that she didn't speak before 9 in the morning. Her husband and kids also accepted that, barring emergencies, they shouldn't speak to her during this time either. One of my friends thought this was incredibly selfish. I immediately wished I could have the same. Well, why can't I?

That being said, a true silent retreat is definitely in my future. It's key that I'm able to experience not just the gift of not speaking, but also the gift of not having to process inputs from others, the television, radio, or computer.

For those of you who've considered trying something similar, I can't recommend it highly enough. I would only say you should decide what you want to get out of it, in order to put your parameters in place, and then let go of all expectations.

Go for it. Be quiet.

Shhhhhhh!

3 and a half hours into my first day of silence, and already I'm frustrated. Not good!

For a little over a year now, I've wanted to go on a silent retreat. I've even tried to devise ways to get everyone else out of the house, while I made my home into my own silent retreat. I haven't been able to pull any of this off. Recently, Phillip at LovingRaw blogged about going into silence at home. I thought about doing a media fast (no TV, computer, radio, etc), but I share my home with 3 other people, and it seemed too complicated. Finally, I settled on just shutting my mouth. (That's the thing that's most likely to keep me out of trouble anyway.)

So for however long seems reasonable (hopefully 3 days), I'm not talking. I communicate via text, email, im, twitter, and scribbled notes, but I can't speak. If I continue through the weekend, I'll have to make an exception for my friend's Open House on Saturday. Her daughter is graduating high school, and a vow of silence might distract everyone from the point of the day. I'll just try to do more listening than talking.

How's the fam handling it? I usually talk to my mother and sister on the phone everyday, so this will probably be both a surprise and a nice break for them. Lovely Boyfriend seems to wonder exactly what the point is, but he's supportive of it, just as he was when I wanted to do the Biggest Loser week, and when I wanted to dive back into Raw foods. He trusts that I'm striving to be better. Fierce Teenager said, "This is going to be annoying." I just shrugged. She basically thinks my love of the stairs (I recently did 12 X 225, a new PR), my passion for Raw food, and my hair are all freakish. Wonder Girls, keeps forgetting she can talk. She writes back to me instead, which is a nice opportunity for her to fall quiet, but makes for really drawn out communications.

In this short time, I've quickly run up against some of my greatest flaws: short temper, impatience, intolerance for whining/complaining, and oh yeah . . . short temper. To deal with some of this, I quickly instituted a no complaining AT ALL rule for the kids, and made up some cards to respond to their typical questions and requests. My favorite is: ASK ME LATER.

What am I hoping to get out of this? I don't know. I have major life changes going on right now: FT graduating from high school and going to the other side of the continent for college, moving out of the home I've lived in for longer than I stayed in any other place in my adult life, trying desperately to complete my first novel, shopping for a home in an unfamiliar city, launching a business, selling off and giving away things I've lived with for a long time. Many of these are wonderful changes, but they still add stress to the day.

Hopefully, being quiet will allow me to better hear my family and friends and to better see what they're going through, so I can be more available to them. Hopefully, I'll be more productive, move my projects forward, and spend more time in prayer. Hopefully, I'll work on some of the above metioned flaws, and gain a greater sense of how to deal with things without non-stop verbal exchange.